Lara,
Last night you ignored me when I told you to get in the shower. You always take your time, distracted in your own world. I envy that - there was a time I had time for everything.
These days my minutes are counted... because there´s always something else to be done and I strive not to fail you.
Often I take a deep breath and do my best not to rush you - on other times, I have no other choice but to force you into movement.
I wish it wasn´t like that - I wish I had more time.
It broke my heart when you said to your father:
"Mom´s always yelling"
He immediately snapped back saying
"That´s because you´re always misbehaving"
That´s not true.
You´re a good little girl with a big imagination that wants to express herself.
Sometimes I rush you, demand more from you because I need things to run smoothly - because I need to get things done.
I keep trying to improve my mannerisms:
Be more patient
But it´s hard - I need things to get done and for that I need your collaboration.
My mom was like me - snappy.
It might not seem like sweet Grandma could ever raise her voice, but trust me when I tell you that you didn´t want to get on her bad side!
I said I wouldn´t be like her, I swore i´d be calmer, more patient...
I had no idea how much she carried on her shoulders...
How demanding it all can be...
To be a mom, a wife, a career woman... and still try to be me.
Somedays, I yell to keep myself from crying.
It´s not a reflection of you - it´s a sign of my weakness.
That´s i´m too tired to lift all of our spirits up.
I try.
Believe me I try...
Forgive me for all the times, I couldn´t.
Whatever I said that seemed mean, angry or hurtful...
I didn´t mean it.
You´re the most wonderful and perfect creation of my life!
I will always be proud of you no matter what mistakes you make.
I am your biggest fan.
I love you.
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